Episode 11: Are You Guan Yu or Something?
The table was buried in delivery dishes when I spoke up.
“Eat up. You bought this with your precious money.”
“Money you made working young girls to the bone, right? No?”
“Ah, no, it’s the noble money you swindled by selling third-rate Dugangju as first-rate.”
“Our illustrious manager of Maehwa House, please, gorge yourself.”
“Yeah, yeah, I’m already eating plenty.”
“You didn’t poison the snacks, did you?”
“We’re eating the same food. Are you paranoid or something?”
“Fair point.”
Cha Seong-tae had already gone through two jars of liquor alongside the snacks he’d bought. I could drink, but so could he. The food and booze were getting violently assaulted from both sides.
His pride was wounded, so the alcohol went down fast. I’d gotten too scrawny lately, so I was overeating on purpose.
If I got fat, I could just train external arts. Perfect solution. So I stuffed myself like a pig.
Once I wrapped up the urgent business, I planned to devote myself fully to martial arts training anyway.
Cha munched on a side dish and said,
“I’m worried what Heukmyobang will do once Jo Yi-gyeol and Jo Il-seom are both dead.”
“If you’re worried, train, idiot.”
“All you ever do is say ‘I’m worried, I’m concerned, what do we do about this, what about that.’”
“You storing your worries in your dantian or something? Why do you have so many dumbass worries?”
Cha had a temper of his own.
After taking my nagging for a while, his expression twisted like a rebellious teenager.
“Who the fuck are you, anyway?”
“You’re not Ja-ha, you bastard. Take off the human-skin mask.”
I raised a hand, and he immediately switched tones.
“All right, all right, I get it.”
“If we end up clashing with that fucking Heukmyobang, we’ll just kill every last one of them.”
“I’ll train harder too.”
“You think your skills can handle that?”
“Can you handle it, Mr. Ja-ha?”
He called me “Mr. Ja-ha.” I couldn’t help but smile.
Maybe it was because I was still in my busboy era.
Cha’s attitude reminded me of my current status.
Being underestimated because I was a busboy definitely had its advantages— but only if I raised my Golden Turtle Carefree Art as fast as possible.
The more people took me lightly, the more that advantage would shine later.
After a few more drinks, I said,
“I’ll finish this jar and go kill Jo Il-seom.”
“If the bastard has to die anyway, better to get it over with.”
“…What are you, Guan Yu?”
“You’re drinking then suddenly off to war?”
Even drunk, Cha stared at me in shock.
I clicked my tongue.
“The real issue is the youngest, Jo Sam-pyeong, wandering around outside.”
“Where am I supposed to find that one?”
“About time he came back.”
“If he does, can you take care of him?”
“You’re absolute trash.”
Cha’s face darkened.
“I’m Cha Seong-tae, you know.”
“And?”
“I can handle the youngest with my level.”
“…Though with my eye hurt, it might be a bit tricky.”
“Pick one: can you or can’t you, you clown.”
“Stop confusing me.”
“I’ll wait for a chance and use the element of surprise.”
“Ever heard of ‘Ambush Seong-tae’?”
“My nickname is Captain Ambush.”
“Captain… Ambush.”
That was the dumbest epithet I’d heard in my life.
He’d said it to make me laugh, but I didn’t bother.
I continued,
“I need time to train if I’m going to face Heukmyobang.”
“I’m asking if you can take over everything once I kill Jo Il-seom.”
“Three brothels. Can you handle them properly?”
“Properly…?”
“We can’t shut them down.”
“Too many people make a living there.”
“Pay the workers what they’re actually owed.”
“Stop charging first-rate prices for third-rate liquor.”
“If anyone’s sick, take care of them.”
“If someone wants to go home, send them back.”
“That’s what I mean by ‘properly.’”
See? I’m a very normal person.
Cha’s reaction was surprisingly negative.
“That sounds… really hard.”
“Do it anyway.”
“Why?”
“It’s better than getting ambushed by me.”
“If the place is still a shitshow under you, I’ll send you to join the Jo brothers.”
I pointed at his eyepatch.
“You screw this up, and that eye is the last warning you’ll ever get.”
Cha put down his chopsticks.
“This is fucking ridiculous.”
“No, seriously. Every other sentence, you threaten to kill me.”
“I should just retire and go live in the mountains.”
“Do what you want.”
“Mm.”
I tossed him some bait.
“Anyway, if you handle it well, you’ll be running three brothels.”
“If you’ve got no ambition and a tiny heart, go rot in some cave in the mountains and meditate.”
“Live off wild greens.”
“And don’t come crawling back down.”
“Why not?”
“Because if you climb down looking for miracle herbs and run into me, I’ll kill you.”
“Got that?”
“If you’re gonna run, go find a deep, hidden spring and drink there forever.”
I drained the last of my drink and stood, shrugging out of my clothes.
“…What are you doing?”
“Take off your clothes, you bastard. I’m changing.”
“What kind of highway robbery…”
He grumbled as he undressed.
“That robber Jo Il-seom…”
“Wear my clothes and go kill him.”
“He’s at Ihwa House.”
“If you show up there dressed like a beggar, you’ll stand out too much.”
“So yes, changing is the right call.”
“Give me that outer robe too.”
“This one’s expensive.”
“My favorite going-out clothes.”
I picked up the Dragon Whip from the table. He shoved the robe into my hands immediately.
“Wear it nicely.”
I slipped into his usual sharp outfit and wrapped the Dragon Whip around my waist. Three loops and it turned into a belt. With the robe draped over it, it didn’t look like a weapon at all.
Arms spread, I asked,
“How do I look?”
“Wow, dashing.”
“You’re a busboy but look nothing like one now.”
“Such a vibe. Turns out you’re actually handsome.”
“You just looked like a beggar because you dressed like an Open Gate sect hobo.”
“Clothes really do make the man. Like wings on a celestial—”
I smacked him on the head.
“That’s enough.”
“…Yes.”
“You loosen the leash for one second and you start dripping sarcasm.”
“You addicted to getting hit or what?”
“Let’s stop with the hitting.”
The moment he said that, it made me want to hit him again.
So I did.
Only then did Cha speak in a more reflective tone.
“I’ll be careful.”
“But can you really go kill Jo Il-seom alone?”
“He’s bound to have a lot of men with him.”
“Why would I kill his men?”
“If possible, I’ll only kill Jo Il-seom.”
“They’re all townspeople.”
“If some die in the fight, that can’t be helped.”
I left the inn and headed toward Ihwa House.
“At least sober up a bit…”
“I smell like liquor, I’m well dressed, and I’ve got no money.”
“Perfect day to visit a brothel.”
“You’re broke, why are you going to a brothel, you lunatic?”
He wisely kept that line to himself. If he’d said it out loud, the busboy would’ve come back.
As my figure vanished into the dark, he muttered quietly,
“Good luck, Lee Ja-ha, you fucker.”
Left alone in Jaha Inn, Cha poured himself a drink and took a look around.
For some reason, standing here in this inn, dressed like this, he felt a creeping sense of doom—like he’d somehow become the busboy.
Getting smacked for saying the wrong thing, even his clothes were “busboy style.”
“Well, I learned something new today.”
He started to get up to return to Maehwa House, then sat back down.
Too embarrassing to go back like this.
He suddenly clutched his forehead.
He’d just remembered his secret stash.
The money pouch was in the inner pocket of the robe I was wearing.
“Son of a…”
The Messenger from Heukmyobang
I arrived at Ihwa House and stared down the doorkeeper. His gaze ran from head to toe before trying to meet my eyes.
I narrowed my brows on purpose, and he quickly dropped his gaze.
“Welcome, sir.”
Clad in fine clothes with a sword at my waist, I was the kind of guest that made doormen nervous.
I stayed outside instead of walking right in and snapped,
“Is Master Jo Il-seom inside?”
The doorkeeper flinched.
“Yes, sir. May I ask where you’ve come from…?”
“I am Lee Ja-ha, messenger of Heukmyobang.”
“Take me to Jo Il-seom.”
“Lee Ja—?”
The moment he tried to look up again, my hand cracked across his cheek.
“Just lead the way, idiot.”
“I’m busy. Stop babbling.”
“…My apologies, sir.”
He turned and opened the door, then grabbed an attendant and whispered,
“He’s here from Heukmyobang. Take him to the Master.”
I glared at everyone like I’d kill them on the spot.
Add “from Heukmyobang” to that, plus sharp clothes and a dragon-headed sword hilt, and nobody dared meet my eyes. They stared somewhere around my chest instead.
What they could see was a fine robe and a fancy sword hilt. Sometimes, that’s all it takes.
“I’ll inform the Master. Please wait a moment.”
“Tell him to hurry before I burn this place down.”
“Y-Yes, sir.”
Following the attendant, I reached the top floor of Ihwa House. A broad hall opened up, and beyond it sat a grand Taishi chair— the kind usually reserved for a sect leader or clan head.
“He’s really itching to start a sect, huh.”
I looked over the hall, then told the waiting maids,
“I’ll talk to the Master alone.”
“Clear out.”
“Yes, sir.”
Once they left, I sat in the Taishi chair and waited for Jo Il-seom.
In my busboy days, I’d never spoken to him alone. When he passed by, I could barely even look at his face.
Now I was in his seat waiting for him.
“If I remember right, he was pretty big.”
Some men are born broad-boned and massive, their build alone enough to intimidate.
Jo Il-seom had been one of those.
Footsteps approached. Jo Il-seom appeared, smoothing his clothes, displeasure on his face.
His build was smaller than I remembered.
“I don’t believe we’ve met.”
A surprise visit at this hour, sitting on his Taishi chair, not rising even when he arrived, and glaring to boot— no wonder he was unsettled.
My first words were,
“Jo Il-seom.”
“Yes?”
“You ugly, grease-soaked, violent pig.”
“Long time no see.”
“Well, now…”
“Hahaha…”
Tilting his head, he walked toward the wall.
“Introductions would be proper first, don’t you think?”
“That was quite a rude greeting.”
“You’ll have to forgive me—I came in a hurry.”
He spoke as he took a longsword from the wall and turned back. Caution was second nature to him.
“As you know, I am Jo Il-seom.”
“My apologies for the late greeting.”
He clearly expected me to introduce myself.
I was curious how he’d react, so I tried this,
“I am Baek-yu.”
“Baek-yu?”
“Forgive me, but what is your position in Heukmyobang?”
I smiled faintly.
“Who said I was from Heukmyobang?”
“That was the report I received…”
I decided to introduce myself properly.
“Listen carefully.”
“I am Baek-yu of the Twelve Divine Generals.”
“…What?”
His eyes went wide. He sank down onto one knee.
“Jo Il-seom pays his respects to Lord Baek-yu of the Twelve Divine Generals.”
…Huh. That worked?
I’d just tossed it out there, but he dropped to his knee.
At least in this town, people really were terrified of the Twelve Divine Generals.